Memory Foam!

It's amazing to me how easy it is and how quickly I get caught up in this life around me. What I mean is that it is so easy to forget these encounters with God and one day you wake up and you are right back into the old routine of things. Even though that has happened so many times, I feel like this time is different.
The past few weeks, I have been on a spiritual high, a grace overload, really just being overwhelmed by God's goodness and love and faithfulness. He was on my mind every moment of the day and it was beautiful. But here come the days when it gets harder to "check in" with Him. These are the times when my life becomes more important.
However, I can't help but think of memory foam. You know, that bed that when you push on it, it doesn't spring back up? It forms to your body. "If, in your sleep, you roll over from one side to the other the foam will remold to your new body position. " (Got that from the website to prove my point.) As I go through life and this process of application, I am reminded and certain that these encounters with God are never forgotten. The places I have been, the graces I have received, the love I have felt - those experiences are branded on my heart and mind. I may "toss and turn" and move "side to side" but He molds to my "new position." God remembers even when I don't. And I believe it is on our nature to long for Him, yearn for Him. That's how we were created.
So, all these times when I forget Him or get caught up in other things, a part of me still remembers what it was like to feel God and a part of me longs for that, for Him! I think that is a gift, a blessing, a choice we all receive. It's what causes us to seek, to reevaluate, to change, to strive more and push harder. Because we remember! Our hearts are like memory foam, get it!?
When I began this process of discernment, it was really really hard. It IS really hard. But when I talk to other women who are also discerning and see the challenges they face while in this process, I realize I am completely blessed. Most of my friends and family have been nothing but supportive, even if they don't understand. It's the hardest thing in the world to tell the people you love that you are going to do something that is so misunderstood. But when I look back on the past 3-4 yrs (that's how long this has been in my heart), I see that the hardest part in this whole thing was my refusal! I fought so hard because I didn't want to give up my stuff, my free time, my ideas of family, my life! How silly. Stuff is stuff. My ideas of family have changed and I am, by no means, losing my life. I stand to gain everything!
Now, I said that, even though I am settling back in to my routine and it's getting harder to remain aware of God's presence, I felt this time was different. Let me explain, tie this all together. My heart is at peace right now for the first time in a long time. I have fought this and refused it and made myself miserable. As soon as I was able to allow God to work and allowed myself to respond, I was at peace. It is a hard thing, yes, to be misunderstood and to do the uncommon thing. I know some people are waiting for me to change my mind, realize this isn't what I really want. But my heart is like memory foam! I remember at different times in my life how it has felt to love God and be loved by Him. I remember how it felt and still feels to be pursued by Him. I remember how my heart has always longed for Him more than anything else, even when my mind has forgotten. And I certainly can't forget how at rest I feel in this decision. So, as I look down the road, I see challenges and hard times but I also envision joy and peace. I will be the first to say that I am not 100 % certain where I will end up but who is? I am certain at this moment, though, that I am moving in the right direction even though that's sometimes easy to forget.