unsure

I run to the edge of the world. I leap, pushing outwards
with all of my strength. Hurling over the edge, I am flying.
Arms outstretched. Reaching.
Falling into nowhere. Into everywhere. The wind pounds my face,
kneading my skin with it's fingers. Soaking into my skin, my soul.
Brutal but not unbearable.
Debrii from the edge has broken away.
It sprinkles, cracks and chips my already tender resolve.
I am still falling. waiting. expecting. hoping.
Seemingly suspended here but moving just the same.
There is silence here.
Only me at the edge of the world. Only the wind in my ears, whistling at me.
Inviting me. It holds me up. I love the wind.
I love its freedom. It's voice. It moves me.
Falling, I wait




I am returning to this entry because I feel like I should explain my thoughts on it a little better. I have always loved the wind. I feel like God loves me through it and reminds me of Himself, whether it's a strong wind or a gentle breeze. This entry was a moment when I felt like I was just going crazy in this discernment process. Inwardly, I was being pulled in all directions. Should I or shouldn't I? What's gonna happen? Did I make the right choice? For a time, I felt like I was falling into something crazy. In all of it, God was the wind. Nudging me forward, pulling me towards Him, eroding all of my excuses and just carrying me. Gently, and sometimes not so much, He brought me to where I needed to be.