Beginnings

I am not really sure how to start a blog. I think, as I begin this, I must consider why I am writing one and who I want to read it. As to who I think will read it, no one at this point. And that's okay. I am mostly writing for myself. It's a journal of sorts, yes?
I think it must be that the first time you write in a blog is the hardest. I mean , where do you even start?! I guess that brings me back to the reason I am writing. I have thoughts. That's why! :) I am discovering myself right now and learning what it is that God has in store for me. In my life, that is profound!
I have realized that as I am going through these new changes and discoveries, I want the important people in my life to understand me and to experience this with me. I want to share all that I am learning and hearing and feeling with friends and family. And depending on where these people are in their lives, they may or may not want to join in. And that is okay because, in the meantime, I am writing it here.
This blog comes from a recent discovery that I may have a vocation to the religious life. Yes, it means I am thinking of becoming a nun, for all you who need to double check! When I think back, I am aware that I have always wanted to please God. I have always wanted to do what HE wanted for me. And as easy as it is to just "fit in," I have always, in my heart of hearts, desired Him.
I know my friends would say I am a good person in general but I am fairly certain they have not really known the depth of my desire for Christ. Granted, it has grown much in these past few years. It saddens me that I may not have been an example of what I truly believe and think and feel. It means I have not spoken aloud who I really am inside. So when I tell people that I am discerning a vocation and they are surprised or doubtful, does it mean I have failed somewhere? Possibly. But I think this may be okay. I am just a normal person who has tried, like everyone else, to fit in and be with the crowd. I have struggled, like everyone else, to be real and honest. At the end of the day, it's just a matter of how you choose to respond.
So, here I am on this journey. It's hard. It's crazy. It's not the easy choice or the cool choice. It's not the norm. It's not easy to understand and it's definitely NOT where I expected to find myself but I am here anyway, choosing to explore and discover God's will in my life. Can I share this with you?