Brink of Joy!

I am a wanderer. I love to travel, explore, and experience new things. I have often wondered if it was because my family moved around a lot, because I got "the fever" while in Girl Scouts where we made a huge trip every year, or if it was just "built in." For years, my friends and family have wondered what I was doing next, where I was going, what my plans were, and when I was going to settle down. I have been saddened and angry at times that people were so overly concerned that I had such a wandering heart and mind. I never thought I was doing too much or showing to little stability. I just wanted to experience things! Overall, I have been content to let people think I was ungrounded.
In retrospect, there was much more to it. I have been searching. All this time, I have been seeking out God and what He had in store for me. Much of the time, I was even unaware that I was looking for something in particular. In college, I left because I was unsatisfied with the path I had chosen. I moved to Iowa, went to school there and only stayed 2 years because I still hadn't found "it." After I graduated college, I went on NET, desperate to be in touch with my faith and living it out. I moved to Hawaii to do more youth ministry because that was also an opportunity to experience Christ, be closer to Him, practice my faith, be an example. When I came back from Hawaii, I was not sure what I was supposed to be doing (at that point, a vocation to religious life was strongly on my mind and in my heart). As much as it may have seemed to the people around me that I was aimless and undecided, I wandered with purpose! I have been on a mission, friends! It has been a massive scavenger hunt, so to speak! At every location, I have been picking up clues and tools to make the next move. I have become wiser and more aware of what I was looking for (and what I was not) with every new experience.
I touch on all of this because it brings me to the present. And just maybe it will help some understand this choice I have made. I think it's safe to say that many of us will go part of life, if not all, without really discovering what it is that makes us truly joyous. Most of us are satisfied with life and even happy. We get good jobs, we have families and friends and kids. And all of these things are wonderful and beautiful! And for many, this is what completes us, these things. I am a firm believer that God has a definite plan for each of us, a plan that will bring us to the most joy possible here on earth, joy that is found when we become who He created us to be!
There is a difference between joy and happiness. Happiness is based on circumstances or good fortune. Joy comes from deep within. It is based on emotional well-being. It overwhelms. " Happiness may warm us, but it is joy that creates the fierce heat of emotion that takes our breath away." I have heard it said the opposite of joy is fear. If you are fearful, there can not be true joy. Similarly, there is no fear in love! Love and joy are closely linked.
I say all of this, friends, because I feel that I am on the brink of joy! I feel as though God is pursuing my heart, leading me so boldly and asking me to give my life to Him completely. It is hard. I am afraid. I am unsure. But, if this is, in fact, what He is asking of me, I would be a fool to refuse. I would be missing out on the greatest of loves and, therefore, true joy! And I want to be overwhelmed with love and joy and truth and all things beautiful, things only HE can give!!
I could be wrong. This could not be my vocation. But if I seek Him, He will not deny me not matter where I end up. If we seek Him in all things, joy awaits! I believe this. And I believe that He has waited a long time to give this to me.